Muppet's Time Cross
by labrinthine
Summary: Gonzo finds an interesting machine in the attic, and after a mishap, they are sent back in time! There, they run into a very familiar face... Human! Muppets. Warnings: Language, very little violence. Disregards Kermit's Swamp Years. mentions of past relationships.


It was actually Gonzo that found the machine. It had been stuffed into the attic, pushed to the side and surrounded by clutter. You would have had to literally crash through the ceiling to see it, which is exactly what Gonzo had done. Now, Normally Kermit would have stopped him before he even began to formulate the plan of shooting himself through the ceiling, but Kermit had been gone at a business meeting all morning. He had assigned Fozzie as Gonzo's official watcher, but Fozzie had been convinced that leaving Gonzo along for a moment would be fine... Well, now they had a hole in their attic, and a rather interesting machine revealed.

Fozzie was... impressed, actually. "You were alone for 6 minutes before you destroyed anything! That's a new record."

But in all seriousness, the hole into the attic was large, and Gonzo wasn't even listening to him! He was too interested in some ancient piece of junk. Fozzie wanted him to get out of there so they could start to fix the damn thing, but he continued to dilly dally. It wouldn't be long before Miss Piggy-

"WHAT is going ON here!?" Speak of the devil...

There she stood, Kermit's Self proclaimed girlfriend. She was wearing a rather casual outfit, jeans with the cuffs rolled up, a black undershirt, and a pink, bedazzled varsity jacket. Her skin was a beautiful warm beige, and she had just gotten her hair done. The straight blonde locks were perfect, and the side bangs she had recently gotten suited her well. Frowning, she picked her way through the debris to take a look at the damage herself.

"You better be planning to clean this up!" She calls into the attic, "Kermit and I have a date! And if this distracts him then you'll regret it!" She huffs, and flips a lock of hair.

"Don't worry!" Gonzo called down, "With this," His head pokes out, wearing an odd helmet, "I'll get it done in no time!"

"What is that thing?" Fozzie tilts his head a little in confusion.

"Woah, Gonzo, did you blow a hole in the ceiling?" Walter joins the party a little late, but still shocked at the amount of damage he had done.

"Yeah," Gonzo affirmed, jumping down from the attic, "But with the time machine I found, it'll be gone in no time!"

"Time Machine?" Walter and Fozzie ask at the same time, confusion spread across their faces.

"Uh, yeah." Gonzo points the logo across the side of the helmet.

"That doesn't say Time Machine," Fozzie objects, it says "En Ihca Memit! Must be foreign."

Gonzo lets out a startled laugh, "Don't you get it? That Time Machine backwards! Just all chopped up- probably to distract you!" Gonzo points out in a 'duh' tone.

"Are you kidding me? You blew a hole in the ceiling for _that?_" Miss Piggy asks, shocked.

"No!" Gonzo defends, "I blew a hole in the ceiling for a completely unrelated reason! I just happened to find this cool helmet." He pats the side of it reassuringly.

"well, it's not like it even works." Fozzie points out, "It's probably just some hunk of junk from whoever used to own this house."

"But what if it does work? Than I'll be able to go to any time, ever! And look," He twists around and points to a knob with a few buttons. "It's got a location setting! Choose any place and time, and you'll be there."

Fozzie stares at the helmet for a few seconds, Jealousy begins to creep up his spine. What if the helmet did work? "Y'know, why don't you give it to someone it actually fits? Like me?"

"What? No! Finders keepers!" Gonzo shouted, reaching up to protectively grab the helmet.

But Fozzie was right. The helmet hung loosely around Gonzo's head, and even his thick mop of blue hair didn't do much. Whenever the small man turned his head, the helmet swung around and went crooked, covering half his face. A frown marred his dark face, he would defend that helmet on his life! But even he could see that Fozzie would be a better fit for the thing. The man was physically larger than Gonzo, and his honey brown curls would fill up the space his head couldn't. The older man reached out for the helmet suddenly, gonzo jerked back out of his reach. The helmet bounced up and down like a bobble head.

"Hey! Stop that!" Gonzo dodged another attempt for the helmet.

"Fozzie-" Walter began, only to be interrupted by said bear.

"I just want to look at it!" He made another lunge for it.

Miss Piggy shook her head, "Idiots!" she muttered.

Gonzo attempted to make a break for it and jump over the bear, but the helmet had other ideas. The movement was too much for it's petty grip on his head, and the thing flew off with great height. There was a moment where it was suspended in mid-air, everyone was staring at the thing, a look of horror passing over Gonzo's face as he realized his mistake. Suddenly everything was moving again, Gonzo had changed positions mid air, trying to reach out and grab at the helmet. Fozzie had one hand already on the thing, and a great tug-of-war game ensued. Each was trying to get a grip on the shiny thing, pulling and grabbing at anything to give them ground. Twisting the know for location and time to random settings, getting dangerously close to the active button...

Walter had a very bad feeling about this.

Suddenly the room filled with a blinding white light. Both men let go of the helmet to shield their eyes, but it was already too late to reverse the process. The walls of the house began to disappear, replaced by the white light. Walter felt his entire body being stretched and separated as he traveled through time and space. He was flipped upside down and sideways, turned back wards and forwards, spun around like a top, and shaken like a rattle. It seemed like hours before things seemed to be calming down. The bright white began to fade, revealing a completely different location than before. They're literally dropped back into reality falling about 5 feet straight to the ground.

Walter rolled onto his side and groaned. Dizzy and aching all over.

"Ugh." He sits up to the best of his ability. Mosquitoes already began to buzz around his head incessantly, the air was humid and wet. He took a good look at his surrounding. He was dangerously close to a lake, a few feet over and they would have landed right in it! suddenly, the serenity of the lake was disrupted as Gonzo and Fozzie burst out of it. Miss Piggy sat up next to Walter, looking rather frazzled and angry.

"Uh oh." Gonzo said simply. He glanced down at his hands and his eyes went big as saucers, "_UH OH_."

"Why the second 'uh oh'?" Miss Piggy asked, eyes narrowing.

Gonzo raised his arms up, revealing a water-logged, obviously broken, Time Machine helmet.

"Uh oh." All three of them said in unison.

* * *

><p><strong>I don't own The Muppets...<strong>


End file.
